a new perspective

So yes I did finally get the visa. Close to the day of my last posting about London because it occurred to me that no matter what your passport tells you and no matter what you visa tells you, you are rooted in where you come from. 

The sociological norms and values of your upbringing, the environment around you, the influence of family and friends as you grow up all make you who you are. So I will never be South African. I will always be British. However sometimes I think I will feel both since I have spent a decent amount of time out of the UK. It's rather like a frightfully sane split personality. If that's at all possible.

The visa has brought about a few changes in perspective. I feel more comfortable in South Africa now. Weird. I never felt overly uncomfortable but very aware of my tourist status regardless of the number of years I had spent there on and off. And now? Now I feel a stronger sense of belonging. It helps that the community I live with acknowledges me by name and seems to respect me. Up to a point. So I feel freer. Less stressed about coming and going since I now have visa time on my hands which is a first. 

Although I don't sound overly excited by the whole appearance of a magical sticker in my passport, I really would be a wreck if it hadn't worked out this way. So I'm still getting my head round it and still figuring out what it means to my head. And my life.